When jokes
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
What do you get when you cross a butt with a phone?
A booty call.
What did the booty say when it was asked to help?
"I've got your backside covered!"
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with a snowman?
FROSTY RHYMES!
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.