When jokes

Add joke

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.

What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

Dogs say woof.

Cows say moo.

Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"

If Kamala Harris is Indian, why doesn’t she have that dot on her head?

So she claims to be.

And the only black color I know is when you shut off the lights.

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"