Whats jokes

What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?

The Las Vegas shooting.

What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?

They both went down.

It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

What do you call a retarded fruit?

Mentally in-pear-ed.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.

What is Trump's favorite snack?

Cheetos.

(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)

What do you call a plane with no wings?

Sally.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.

What's worse than ants down your pants? Michael Jackson.

What did the helicopter say?

Helicopter: "Kobe!"

What was Osama's favourite food... yer nan?

What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.