Whats jokes

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter; he's not coming.

What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.

(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.

Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.

What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?

They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.

What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.

Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?

De-calf!

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

What do you call anal rape?

Ass cream.

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What did the penis say to its pee?

"Urine."

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.

Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."

Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"

"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."

"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"

One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.

The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.

The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”