Whats jokes
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
What can a rock possibly say?
Answer: I'll fuck ya mum rock hard.
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
What planet has a butt? Uranus!
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
What kind of mask are you wearing?
An Elon Musk!
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
What do you call a Pakie with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick.
What is long, yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
What’s the best part about putting a baby in a blender feet first?
Watching their expression change.
What do you call an Asian in a wheelchair? Sum Ting Wong.
What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench?
The NBA.
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What's a duck's favorite drug?
Cwack.