Whats jokes
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
Memes
What I mean when I say in about to crash out
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?
A: Garry Glitter's boots.
What food does a Cheetah eat?
Cheetos!
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
What does an Asian doorbell sound like?
"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"
What the fuck is wrong with people?
What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?
"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?
Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."
What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?
Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.
What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?
Suicide squad.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”