Whats jokes

What did the captain of the Titanic do before the Titanic sunk?

He nominated everyone for the ice bucket awards.

Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?

A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).

My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!

What did the toilet say to the other toilet?

"You look flushed."

What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A RC-XD.

What's the best thing about an orphan GF?

You don't have to meet her parents.

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?

Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

What is the difference between artificial vanilla and Marjorie Taylor Greene's children?

Artificial vanilla comes from a beaver's asshole, the children from an asshole's beaver.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples actually get picked.

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.

What do you call a dwarf in a drawer?

Gay.

A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.

When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

What is one plus one?

It's TOO hard!

What do cats have for breakfast?

Mice crispies.

What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?

They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.