Whats jokes
You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?
You're-a-peein'. European.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants 👖
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
Memes
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair back, she looks 15.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What would Donald Trump be if he was Black?
Shot in the head.
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
What's black and has wheels? Black wheels.
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What did Michael Jackson find on his bed?
Billie's Jeans.
What is a cow on two legs?
Yo mama!
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."