Whats jokes
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
What do Indian hip hop artists eat?
Rice rice baby.
Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!
The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.
What do you call an autistic kid with a minigun?
Special forces.
What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?
Kids play with both of them.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"
What do you call Yakub with no eyes?
No eyes Yakub.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
What's your religion?
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.