Whats jokes
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
What is the hardest part of twerking?
Being black.
😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"
Memes
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?
A juice box...
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
What do you call a racist crow?
Jim.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack? His shoulder.