Whats jokes

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.

What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?

A Jacko Lantern!

What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?

14 number 1 hits.

What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?

Diddler on the Roof.

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?

Panera Bread.

You know what I hate about rape?

Keeping it a secret.

What did death say during a helicopter crash?

KOBE!

What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?

Aliens vs. Predator

What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.

1 hour before:

So let me get...

Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!

Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*

What is a school shooter's favorite animal?

A Desert Eagle.

A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"

So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."

The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"

What do you call an African American pilot?

A pilot, you racist bastard!

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."

What car does Hitler drive?

A Fuhrerri.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.