Whats jokes
Today I feel diving. Today I feel penalty. Today I feel tap in. Today I feel ghosting. Today I feel finished. Today I feel a bench warmer... I know what it feels to be discriminated... I was bullied because I am Pristiano Penaldo.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
History meme for y’all
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.