Whats jokes
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
What’s the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
God is you... If you have a dog
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
What’s the difference between a zit and a catholic priest?
A zit waits till you’re 13 to come on your face
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."