What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
Whats Jokes
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
I saw this kid on the street wearing a rag. I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?
Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?
Son: Mom, what is money made of?
Mom: Paper.
Son: Where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
