Whats jokes
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Guess what song this is from:
"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,
Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,
Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.
I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Memes
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
What's the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What is a dry swimmer?
Not in the water...
What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?
"I'd smash that."