Weight jokes

Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."

Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.

I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!

Yo momma so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the floor cracked up.

Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.

She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."

Yo momma so fat!

Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...

So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."

This will take a ton of time.

A skele-ton.

You're so fat you're the reason they made tread "meals".

You're so ugly we can't have neighbors.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Your mama is so fat.

She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!