Weight jokes

What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?

A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the people shout, "Free Willy!"

Madden, because tissue, I weep Tears like rivers, cascading deep In this world, so full of strife I find solace in this fragile life.

Oh tissue, tender and so pure, Absorbing pain, a whispered cure. Each tear that falls, you gently hold, A conduit for the stories untold.

In the quiet moments, I confide In your embrace, I can't hide The weight of sorrow, the burden's strain You're there, a balm for every pain.

But madden, oh how you disrupt, In your chaos, emotions erupt. You twist and tangle, hearts collide, Leaving us lost, unable to decide.

Yet even in your tangled mess, You bring forth growth, a rare finesse, For in the madness, we find our way To stand tall, facing a brand-new day.

So madden, meet tissue, ever entwined, In this dance of emotions, our souls aligned. Through tears and anger, joy and fears, We find strength, as life perseveres.

Short and sweet, this tale of strife, Unraveling souls, seeking life. Madden, because tissue, we may be, But we'll rise above, forever free.

Kim Jong-Un thicc af.

What’s another name for a cow?

You... cause you're fat.

What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?

The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.

Yo mama is so fat, when she came on this website, the whole server crashed!

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

Yo mama's so fat that the earth used to be flat before they buried her.

Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.

Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.

Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Saw that shit on Roblox.

Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....

Yo momma so fat, her ankle broke and gravy poured out.

Yo mama so fat, her weight is angry grandpa's subscriber count.

Why couldn't the button get off the couch?

Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)

Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."

Yo mama so fat, she was mistaken for Eric Cartman from South Park.

Yo mama's so fat, there's not enough yo mama's so fat jokes to tell how fat she is.

You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"