Weight jokes

What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.

Yo mama so fat she is the Google JavaScript loading.

You're so fat, when you jumped, the whole planet wiggled.

Yo mama so fat, she can't go up the elevator; she can only go down.

What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?

Slim Shady.

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!

She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.

She got on the scale, said "to be continued."

Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."

My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.

Your mama's so fat, when she grew an inch, she pushed the Earth down.

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

Yo mama so fat that when she sits, she makes a 7.4 earthquake.

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

Your mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, it only got rid of weight.