Way jokes
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!
What's the difference between a gay man and a hairline?
The hairline is way straighter.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.
"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.
What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?
Call them retarded.
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
What’s the easiest way to dig a hole to China?
Through my arm.
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?
Teens: NO WAY!
Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!
Teens: O OK. 😤
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈