Way jokes

What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?

A coward.

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.

"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?

Teens: NO WAY!

Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!

Teens: O OK. 😤

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈

What do you call expired milk?

The Milky Way.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

Your hairline is so far back that it goes all the way across the globe.