your lips are so big it turns the grand canyon side ways
hey gwen, listen, i know your on this app. fake or not. I love you either way. please, find this faker and finish her off for whats she's done, real Gwen.
*your a real best Gwen*
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
BFF:DUDE, COME OVER TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!
Me:What no way its 2:58 am
BFF:but i just found my brothers secret stash of oreos!!!!!
Me:I'll be over in 5 minutes
Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up because that’s the way he rolls
-a beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide-
a homeless man walks by her and says "what are you doing?"
she says "im going to jump"
the homeless man says "if youre going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
the woman replies "no way creep! never that!"
the homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says
"thats fine, I'll just wait til you're at the bottom"
What do gay guys and priests have in common
They are both gay in there Own ways
Vape company:hey want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction? Teens:NO WAY! Vape company:but it’s mango flavoured! Teens:O OK 😤
little Johnny is my son and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a burger king whopper to Moscow then take revenge for little Johnny!!!
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? i can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
your hairline is so far back that is goes all the way across the globe.
once there was a boat its friends said: "it's time to come back." and the boat said: "No way I don't give into pier pressure.
Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said "lets play a game". so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says "A" little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself "well he might say something like a$$" so the teacher calls on sally. sally say "apple". the teacher says "B" little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though "no he might say something like b!tch". so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says "R" little Johnny raises his hand and say "me me please I really know one". then the teacher thinks to herself "well theres no cuss word that starts with R" so she said "ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R" little Johnny says "a rat!" and the teacher very pleased say "very good Johnny what type of rat" little Johnny says "A big gosh damn mother freaker". sorry I had to edit some word but y'all know what I meant.
How are Asians like a box of chocolates? Either way they’ll kill your dog
One way to not pick up girl is to say, “are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you.” I tried it on a girl and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Why the cow wanted to be an astronaut?Because it wanted to see the Milky Way!
bro is your hairline and your forhead good friends because they go way back
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit scucide. (YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
An orphan comes up to me and says your ugly I said you remind me of SpiderMan SpiderMan no way home.
