Water jokes

So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.

How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.

Water?

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?

A: Because it gives her more work!

Why did the guy get the hose?

Because the girl was smoking hot.

What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?

It sinks it.

What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?

Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.

The Titanic basically nominated all the passengers for the ice bucket challenge.

Why can Jesus walk on water?

Because rubbish floats.

I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

What do you call a disabled person drowning?

A boat.

You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.

What the hell dam, hell dam?

I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.

How do you get a million fowl?

You run through Africa with a bullet of water.

Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?

Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!

What did the mouse say after its bath?

"I feel squeaky clean!"