Water jokes
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
Water?
What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?
It sinks it.
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
The Titanic basically nominated all the passengers for the ice bucket challenge.
Why can Jesus walk on water?
Because rubbish floats.
I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?
Nothing, they both spout shit.
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
I like my women like I like my diving pool:
Deep and wet.
Why was the beach salty? Because the land didn't wave back. The ocean then called the land a beach.