Wash jokes
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
I was Gandalf the Grey.
But now, after just three washes...
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Why do leftists call their child Ariel?
So they can decide whether it wants to be a man, woman, mermaid, or washing powder.
In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?
Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?
What do you call a washed vegetable?
A disabled kid that needs a towel.