Want jokes

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?

Only one is wanted.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?

He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?

-"I want my quarterback."

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

You want to hear some marriage jokes?

Don't worry, it's just a couple.

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

Why do orphans rob banks?

Because they wanna feel wanted.

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.

You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.