Want jokes

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?

Only one is wanted.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?

A cliffhanger.

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?

He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?

-"I want my quarterback."

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

You want to hear some marriage jokes?

Don't worry, it's just a couple.

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

Why do orphans rob banks?

Because they wanna feel wanted.

Want to watch Titanic?

No, I'm not on board for it.

You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.