Want jokes
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
Why did the rapper sit on the clock?
He wanted to keep it real with TIME.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.
A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?