At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
a man was in a court room, the judge said, ''what should this mans punishment be?'' a random guy ''OFF WITH HIS HEAD'' judge ''he shall give head to every man in this room'' the guy ''WAIT THATS NOT WHAT I SAID!!!''
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute" I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen
Then it clicked. "Ah, so that's how you died"
My wife cheated on me with my brother She didn't have a sister so I improvised and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come
i thought i saw jojo siwa.....no wait its ur hairline
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, nevermind, carry on.
Roses are red violets are blue YOU HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WAITING FOR YOU...
Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia- oh wait no! That’s d!
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
(A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing)
Man: Ah.. suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump? Lady: Yep. I hate this world. Man: Well, if your gonna die, can we have sex before you jump? Lady: Hell no! You creep! Man: Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore..
America get pranked lol Bidens penis is probably as big as the twin towers right now Oh wait...
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb? One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her. ...just kidding- - none. They can't change anything.
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off”. In the end I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it) I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one
Yo mama's so dumb she waited until the stop sign to turn blue. Yo mama's so fat when she got pregnant she failed to the earth's core.
