My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him 🥰🥰🥰
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
I really hate waiting to die..... Its taking a lifetime
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'
A mom gave her son "the talk". her son replies "wait so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh.. I thought you saw inside the basement.."
"Wait, wha.."
"What?"
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.
Stephen hawking walks into a bar.... oh wait.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
what do you call an orphan family photo
a selfie
but wait what family he never had one
