My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
Wait Jokes
If youâre waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, arenât you the waiter?
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him đ„°đ„°đ„°
I really hate waiting to die⊠Its taking a lifetime
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: âGive me your money.â The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: âBut, wait! You canât do that, I am a Congressman!â The thief replies: âOh, sorry. Give me MY money.â
A woman walks into a doctorâs office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem itâs her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and theyâre unlike anything heâs heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, âWell I have good news and bad news.â The woman says, âIâll hear the good news first please.â The doctor replies âThe good news is weâre naming a disease after you!â
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery⊠oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
Stephen hawking walks into a bar⊠oh wait.
A mom gave her son âthe talkâ. her son replies "wait so there really isnât candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
Whatâs the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans, their parents will get mad. OhâŠWaitâŠContinue.
The F in orphan stands for family⊠oh wait
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, âI bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.â
The blonde thinks, âI bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.â
The Frenchman thinks, âI bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.â
The Englishman thinks, âI canât wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.â
So Steven Hawking walks into a barâŠ
Oh wait.
Three men are outside Heavenâs gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them âDepending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heavenâ.
The first guy says âI was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 timesâ. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says â11 years and only onceâ and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says â20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heartâ and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says âHow! I just went past my wife on a skateboardâ
At school, Little Johnnyâs classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so itâs very easy to blackmail them by saying, âI know the whole truth.â Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnnyâs mother greets him at home, and he tells her, âI know the whole truth.â His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, âJust donât tell your father.â Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, âI know the whole truth.â The father promptly hands him $40 and says, âPlease donât say a word to your mother.â Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, âI know the whole truth.â The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, âThen come give your Daddy a great big hug!â
My girlfriends last words I canât wait to become a mom