My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him 🥰🥰🥰
I really hate waiting to die..... Its taking a lifetime
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.
Can't wait to meet you! So join the Depression family! We open real soon! Try best to hold onto sanity!
A mom gave her son "the talk". her son replies "wait so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
bestfriend @3am: i love you me : love u too *wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
idk if this is funny
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It’s a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can i have some milk?" He waited for three hours to get an answer. His mom finally said: "No your dad still isn't back with it."
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'
