Vs jokes
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"
What's the difference between limbs of babies and a dick?
I've never sucked on dicks.
Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Michael Jackson.
People are like trees. They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What is the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?
They are both full of seamen and are at the bottom of the ocean.
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.