Violence jokes
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
I punched you so hard that I'll call you "Droppy Pussy."
Things said by racist aliens:
"Some of my best friends are Green."
"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."
"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."
"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"
"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."
"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"
"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."
"Get the hell out of my store you grigger!"
"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"