Violence jokes
Whenever Iām bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? šš
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
Why are school shooting jokes so funny?
Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you call a circus show? A school shooter.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.
Video games don't make people violent, lag does.
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!