One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
