Violence jokes

I punched you so hard that I'll call you "Droppy Pussy."

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green."

"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

"Get the hell out of my store you grigger!"

"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What's white and bloody?

Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof!

*School shooting happens*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*

American student: "First time?"

What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?

It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

When you get caught about to shoot up the school,

*slowly puts AR to chin*

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?

Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.

When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.

How are babies and watermelons similar?

They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.