Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Violence Jokes
What does a wife and a boombox have in common?
They only work when you beat them.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."
Gf: "I luv u too."
Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."
Gf: "Ah, about that..."
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.
So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
