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Violence

Violence jokes

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?

They are more open-minded.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?

A penguin in a blender.

When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,

but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.

*Is honestly the best policy.*

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

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    • I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

    I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

    I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!

    Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?

    Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.

    One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

    How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

    There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

    I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

    He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.