Vehicle jokes
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
What is Stephen Hawking's favourite car?
Rolls Royce.
Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?
A: She hit an ambulance.
I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
Why do y’all call a pickup truck?
'Cause ya got a flat tire.
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
What is Beethoven's favorite vehicle?
A van.
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.