Vehicle jokes
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.