Vehicle jokes

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

What color is your Bugatti?

Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?

Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

I set a wheelchair on fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

Why couldn’t the bike stand up?

Because it was “two tired”!

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

What is the difference between a tree 🌳 and a car 🚘?

A car can drive and a tree cannot drive.

Why did the car key never fit in?

He was too door key.

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

What is a car that runs and can't?

Why did the Titanic cross the road?

What do you call a banana driving a car?

A banana car.

What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Who can drink 20 liters of fuel without dying? A jerrycan.

Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.