Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.
What do you call a disabled kid on fire?
Hot wheels.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
