Vehicle jokes

What kind of shoes does a kidnapper wear?

White vans.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.

Who names their dog Donuts?

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

What's white at the front and black at the back? A bus.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?

Hot Wheels.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!

What do you call a disabled kid on fire?

Hot wheels.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."