Vegetable jokes

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?

Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat?

The wheelchair.

A blind man went to a restaurant.

"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.

The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"

What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?

Lettuce eat Brussels!

What's Barack Obama's favorite vegetable? It's Barack-olli.

What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.

Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?

Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.

Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.

How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?

The wheelchair floats to the top.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?

Kids won't eat broccoli.

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?

I yam.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?

Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.

(Not meant to be triggering).

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!