Vegetable jokes
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Memes
What's Barack Obama's favorite vegetable? It's Barack-olli.
So I was walking in a store, and a carrot and a lettuce said, "Lettuce leaf!" to me.
Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Why is a cabbage green? Because it's in Greenland.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?
A vegetable rack.
Normal Europe: Oh no, I lost my iPhone!
Amish: Oh no, I lost my potato!
What has two wheels and goes really fast?
A vegetable down a hill.
When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!
What's long and hard and has c*m in the middle? Cucumber. What were you thinking?