Use jokes

My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

What do us emos all have in common?

Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."

What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?

"Let us pray."

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.

He’s used to penetrating aggressively.

The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.

What kind of flour do orphans use to make bread?

Self-raising.

If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.

You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.

What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.

Leo is as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.