Use jokes

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?

"Let us pray."

What do us emos all have in common?

Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."

I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.

He’s used to penetrating aggressively.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.

Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.

Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod

"Among Us" in space spells "sugoma."

I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

Why are bees' hair sticky?

Because they use honeycombs!

"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump

Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.

He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.

Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.

Hey Gwen come on let's chat! We can forget about that dumb bitch "prince" and focus on us!

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

What is more used than plastic?

Hookers.

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!