Use Jokes

Of an orphan wins the lottery what do they have to use all of it on

Years of child support

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline cuz it goes way back

Your so skinny my granma gana use you like a cane

yo mama so stupid she used a fork to save the milk from the cerial

Hey any riding with biden fans out their? I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so of one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 an a half help me please

what kind of flower do orphans use? self raising

My friend that use to be married was making jokes about me being short then I told him you're marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal

Why did Sally stare out the window for 24 hours straight? Sally's used to being blind!

The parents use to hit him His parents got into a car crash and died He became an orphan in an orphanage, the people there hit him, he looked up and said "parents?"

whats the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? the freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out

what doe Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? they both used there brains to paint the the walls

You’re so short you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

Why are the best used guns from France ? Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.

Knock knock!! Whos there?? Dishwasher!! Dishwasher who?? Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in

Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you I had to use accessibility

What's white red blue and brown all over?

The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets. He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

3 people explored the jungles, one was was France, one from Britain, and the other from America. While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However we aren't that heartless so we'll let you choose your deaths." So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head and said "Viva la France" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested for poison and said "For the queen" and drank the poison. Lastly the American asked for a spoon, the tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself "Try make a canoe out of this one!"