Use jokes
I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.
But one day I realized, they Israel.
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...
Then we took an Arab to the knee.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Me: Why do you need to use shampoo when you are already bald? 🤣
Rocks are used too much; people take 'em for granite.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?
There used to be two but now there's one...
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!