Use jokes
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
American: How do you use a PC?
Amish: We use a potato.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
What do cows use for math? A cow-culator 😏
Why do women only use their left arm? Because they don’t have rights.
Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.