Use jokes

What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.

So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?

Yo mama is so hairy that she uses a lawn mower to shave.

Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!

Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?

The earth used to be flat.

Till they buried yo mama.

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

Why don’t Asians use phones?

Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!

I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

Bunger got me like:

😂 Face with Tears of Joy Emoji - Emojipedia https://emojipedia.org › face-with-tears-of-joy A yellow face with a big grin, uplifted eyebrows, and smiling eyes, each shedding a tear from laughing so hard. Widely used to show something is funny or...

When Trump goes to the beach, he doesn't use suntan lotion. He uses Dorito dust, and it stays on for the rest of his life.