Use Jokes

"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

A screenshot of a Twitter post by @upblissed, asking if @MrBlackOG searched up "gang." Below, a tweet from Mr. Black says that he was banned from Google, because of several requests from the United States Government regarding the topics he was searching for over the last 5 years. The text says, "You no longer have permission to use Google, nor make a new Gmail account under your name. If we are made aware that you are trying to make a new account, legal action will be taken." Mr. Black can return to Google on June 26, 2033.

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?

Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.

Usually I just use tissues.

When is the only time Kamala Harris is using her head? When she is giving head.

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?

Do you think he saw us?

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.

If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.

If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.

When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?