Use jokes
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is dangerous for kids if put on their face, the other one is used to carry groceries.
Q: What do you use on your tuba when it breaks?
A: Tuba-glue.
We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.
Why can't orphans use a phone?
Because they don't have a home screen.
What do you white people use as pronouns?
Crack/her.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
What do British politics and transgender people have in common?
Both aren't what they used to be...
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.
What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?
A MAGAzine.
What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.