Use jokes
Why was the chicken in trouble?
For using fowl language!
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
Why do orphans use iPhone X's?
Because they can't find home.
Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.
(I love oil!)
What type of flour do orphans use to bake with...? Self-raising flour!
Why can't orphans use a phone?
Because they don't have a home screen.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
The earth used to be flat.
Till they buried yo mama.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.