When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
Yo mama so fat, she uses the equator as her belt.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.
The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
There is one rapist among us.
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.
Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Yo hairline was used as the blueprint for the Great Wall of China.
