Use jokes

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.

Why don’t Asians use phones?

Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.

Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

Yo mama so fat, she uses a mattress as a diaper.

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:

"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."

The commander starts answering:

"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"

"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"

"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"

After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:

"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"

"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?

A. He was trying to phone home.

This is the log reference. Use it to post your logs. Logs can be posted by Info Gatherers or Announcers.

/{[(Log date) -Month- -Year- -Day-] -Log Title- } "-Log Information- " End of Log

Thank you, -Connor

Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.