Use jokes
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
Why are bees' hair sticky?
Because they use honeycombs!
I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."
Why can’t orphans use computers?
Because they don’t have a homepage.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?