What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.