US jokes
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
The last two presidents of the US.
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
What will happen if orphans use an iPhone?
They can't find the home button.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?
It’s the only place they can vote!
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.