US jokes
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.
Yo mama is so fat we need to use yo papa!
You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
The last two presidents of the US.
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
What will happen if orphans use an iPhone?
They can't find the home button.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.