Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
What goes up and down but stays in the same place?
Stairs.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
