Two jokes

IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.

Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.

The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."

My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.

We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"

Two people were on a boat. They were afloat on water!

What has two tires and no engine? A magic house 🏡

Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"

The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"

The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"

The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"

What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?

Two Aussie.

Why did Adolf Hitler wish he had two nuts?

Because he only had one.

Your Roblox friend counts to 10, but she doesn't count to "too." Then Roblox says: "Damn. Your Roblox friend can't count."

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

Because they already lost two towers!

People who are annoying. There are two of them.

1. Capet.

2. Akeld.

The winner is "Akeld," although Jordan Calerendiá comes in with a tie. Yah! Not really!

If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.

I dunno man, worked for me.

You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.

Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.

A man gave me 1 dollar that was ripped and laughed away. I wonder why he did that.

He did that on purpose to trick me, then I met him in the threes.

Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!

Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?

Scissors beat paper.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"