Two jokes
Two towers.
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?
A: They fall.
(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
Why can’t the USA play chess?
Because they lost their two towers.
In England, for every church, there are two pubs.
In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.
Why can't two eggs tell jokes?
Because they will crack each other up!
What did the World Trade Center order from Domino's Pizza?
They ordered two large planes.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.
The last two presidents of the US.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.
There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."