Two jokes

Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.

What did the World Trade Center order from Domino's Pizza?

They ordered two large planes.

In England, for every church, there are two pubs.

In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"

Why can't two eggs tell jokes?

Because they will crack each other up!

Why can’t the USA play chess?

Because they lost their two towers.

Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."

The last two presidents of the US.

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"

Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Two towers.

If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."