My sister lost two things today 1: Her virginity 2: Her job at the zoo
Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens? A: They fall. (They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)
It must be tired to put make up on two faces.
Two people stood in one room, the first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I hadda punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds? Friend: um women? Obviously? Me: actually half a dog. So you're still right.
Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance and he replied I'm not much good, I have two left feet. Then how about Karaoke ? To which he replied. I have two left throats.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
A Roman the to bar and he,d up two fingers and said can I have five drinks 🍷 pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
You have two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize, because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions Hallucination
Your at a buffet, you think your hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of your self, you get stuck looking at sides in the buffet, a roly poly gal you see in corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end, you go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slamed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she's is tenderizing you for dinner.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him Rachel said. Watch two martial arts movies , eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar. Jim replied with a shocked look, that's what I do after Mr tugman shakes my hand to long.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. the night they get out of their cages they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road. as one lion gets a bite of leg the second takes a piece of shoulder. Then one stops and asks his companion: Does this taste funny to you?
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband. Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
