Turtle jokes
Why did the turtle start flying? He was on a jet.
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
Why did the turtle cross the road?
We don't know yet.
OOF dislike plz I have no life XD.
All of these jokes are DED sub to pewdipie.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
...... fuck the turtles...... THE END
Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
A: Knead for Speed.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let’s stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let’s stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
A: The glitterbug.
Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
A: Because they always make-up.
Q: Where do roses sleep at night?
A: In their flowerbed.
Q: Why was the shoe bad at gymnastics?
A: She was a flip-flop.
Q: What should you wear to a tea party?
A: A t-shirt.
Q: What’s rain’s favorite accessory?
A: A rainbow.
Q: Where does a sink go dancing?
A: The Dish-co.
Q: What’s a princess’s favorite time?
A: Knight time.
Q: Why did the Genie get mad?
A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
Q: What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?
A: A bun.
Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
A: Hip hop.
Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
A: Shop ‘til they hop.
Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
A: She nailed it.
Q: What is corn’s favorite music?
A: Pop.
Q: Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?
A: It’s a weak day.
Q: Why was the politician out of breath?
A: He was running for office.
Q: What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?
A: Goooooooooooold!
Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
A: He was a cheetah.
Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
A: Inside.
Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
A: He forgot his lawsuit.
Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
A: He crashed the computer.
Q: What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
A: An eyeball.
Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
A: Shells.
Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?
A: In the fall.
Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
A: Because he knew he would pass.
Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?
A: Because it was flat.
Q: Why didn’t the farmer's son study medicine?
A: Because he wanted to go into a different field.
Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
A: Pi.
Q: Why was the princess in the emergency room?
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
What do turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What do sea turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the “shell” station.
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
What did the turtle tell the man? To keep being 5G7T4IPK24O[\]TWERGWREWGRGR.
Roses are red, lilacs are purple, I have a turtle, his name is Squirtle.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
Community talk
I’m a damn turtle
(Reposting cause I wasn’t in my acc)
ALRIGHT homies we’re gonna do a thing! I’ll write a sentence, then everyone else continue the story in the comments. ONE SENTENCE AT A TIME!!!
You’re welcome to do as many as you want, but wait for at least one person to add to it before you do. Anything goes, so you can literally make the next sentence WHATEVER you want (as long as it makes some sense with the story). Have fun!
Here’s how it starts: “Long ago lived a silly turtle, happily living in a pond.
(I expect this to be a fully fledged story by the time I check back)
ALRIGHT homies we’re gonna do a thing! I’ll write a sentence, then everyone else continue the story in the comments. ONE SENTENCE AT A TIME!!!
You’re welcome to do as many as you want, but wait for at least one person to add to it before you do. Anything goes, so you can literally make the next sentence WHATEVER you want (as long as it makes some sense with the story). Have fun!
Here’s how it starts: “Long ago lived a silly turtle, happily living in a pond.”