Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
Turn Jokes
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
Why was the Mexican scared of cold water?
It might turn into ICE.
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
