Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
turn the comments into a school shootout ;)
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
The world has turned upside down. Orphans are now being homeschooled.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.
You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
Confucius say, man who go through turn table is going to Bangkok.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Your hairline sucks; even Harry Potter could not put it under a spell to turn it back to order.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)
