My owl turned 180 today.
He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
Ugly face dude: Hi kiddo!
Kid: Hi kid. Leaves.
Kid turns back and says: Wait a minute, who are you?
Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?
His internet connection ran out.
You're so skinny the world turns to the left!
I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Yo mama so fat of she turned into food she could solve world hunger
You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair ?
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.
If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?
A: Because they don't have any parents.
