Turn Jokes

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

*Windows turning off*

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

The image shows a cloudy sky with an orange hue, and the text says, "Even though you didn't love me if I could turn back time I wouldn't change a thing, in fact I'd fall in love with you all over again."

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

Hey, I asked for a paper, but I thought it was a cut, but it turns out it was tearable.

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

BlessedBrian's face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I'M around.

I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn around.

Why I turn around?

Infopka.com

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.

I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.

What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?

He became a shell of who he once was.

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.